One Year as a Teacher – Successes, Struggles, and Prospects

One Year as a Teacher – Successes, Struggles, and Prospects

I have finished one year of teaching, giving and marking final exams last week!  This blog post highlights my school experience over the last year.

Successes

•           I know the names of 200 some Basotho students, with names like Retsilisitsoe that is pretty good! 
•           I have gone from being an uncomfortable teacher to a pretty good math teacher.
•           We started a IM sports league and workout club that added some excitement to sitting in a classroom from 7 am to 4 pm every day for my students. 
•           My students know how to use a condom, at least on a carrot! 
•           I can write clearly on a chalk board, I mean a wall painted black. 
•           I took three bright students to the national science fair and one of them won second prize!
•           We organized an HIV testing event with the local hospital which tested 180 of my students.
•           Some of my students are improving in maths! And have gotten used to the very low scores for the rest and still have love for them.

Lebeta and Lineo studying maths on a Saturday.

Most of the successes at my school are small and the challenges are maybe bigger.  I think the biggest thing this year is that I have become a part of Qholaqhoe High School and it is the place I know.

 Form D Math Challenge winners eating brownies and mac n cheese for being the most improved in maths!

Struggles

-          Can you pass a trigonometry test without a calculator!?  Many Many of my students don’t have supplies and one of the reasons students fail maths so much here is because they don’t have a calculator, a protractor set, a text book, or often even a pencil. 

-          Can you pass 11^th grade math if you haven’t passed mass since 6^th grade?!  Students only have to pass English and so many other subjects to move on to the next grade and maths is the most failed subject and builds on the previous year.  If you don’t know to work with negative numbers solving equations is impossible.

-          Motivation is a constant struggle with teachers and students.  My students often view school as a place to go to keep them out of trouble not necessarily a place to learn that leads to a future.  Education can get them somewhere but they have to get far, finish high school with high marks and go on to university and very few of them accomplish that.  Even worse is their motivation for maths they know they probably will not pass so why bother!?

With my teachers their motivation is also often very low.  Skipping class, not preparing, and sleeping are common and there aren’t any repercussions for them, they never will be fired.  Things at school are disorganized and we spend enormous amounts of time trying to figure out how to do something that we did the same last year. 

-          I’ve struggled being the only one who wants something to happen, sitting while everyone is yelling around me in Sesotho, watching kids get smacked on the hands and butt for singing in class, and having 5 of 70 students turn in an assignment.

Even so, it is worth it to be here and I am happy to be able to say that I am a teacher!

 Form D Class

 Thaabe finishing board maths problem

Prospects

With one year down and one year two go there are a lot of things yet to work on at Qholaqhoe.

A Library for Qholaqhoe High School

My biggest project is to prepare a PCPP grant for a library building at Qholaqhoe High School.  We have done much of the planning and budgeting thus far and hopefully will finish the grant soon.  The building will be 9 m by 6 m and allow the current small library to be converted to a staff room.  After the grant is finished the objective of raising probably around $7500 from family and friends in the states will start.  There are many places this project could fail and I’m often leery of how much I want this for them compared to how much they want to do it for themselves.  But, we will keep trying and see how it works out!

Along with the library is trying to create a better system for maintaining the books.  I haven’t helped at all this year and just saw how things operated and the books and room are trashed.  Over break we are going to reorganize the books to levels that make more sense to the students and train the school cleaning mme to be the librarian.

Teaching Externals

Next year I will be teaching Form E maths and possibly Form C maths.  These years they take huuuggee end of the year standardized exams to determine if they pass.  The test is worth a lot for their prospects and I will be putting in a lot of effort to try to prepare my students who I had this year in Form D.

With one year down and one year to go it feels like I have been here for 5 minutes and also 5 years.  I am excited for the next year to spend in the place that took a while but now really is my home!

 TAP scholarship students!

Mapaseka ninja jumping over the rope after writing exams!

National Science Fair!

Recently I got back from a trip to Mokhotlong, the mountain district, from taking three students to the National Science Fair.  The event was one of my favorite and most dreaded times in Peace Corps.  I was the chaperone for three of my students who were competing in electronics, working models, and maths projects.

The Transport:

Getting to Mokhotlong is difficult.  Getting to Mokhotlong with 100 students and their stuff is a miracle.  Our journey started at 6 am when we met at my house to make our way to the taxi rank.  My students were afraid of the cold and brought matresses, blankets, and jackets along with their project boxes to the bus stop.  We managed to pack ourselves on the taxi, unfortunately heading the wrong way – we would transfer to a taxi heading the correct way several kilometers down the line, with boxes and mattresses piled to our heads and bo-mme providing cushioning on every side. 

When we made it to town we met up with the rest of the students traveling from the Butha Buthe District each with food, mattresses, blankets, and projects.  The bus was the extendo type with an accordion in the middle.   Designed for urban streets not the mountains of Lesotho, our average speed was around 15 mph.

The bus ride was incredible.  Of the 100 students on the bus 75 of them stood up the entire way.  Tsepo having never been outside of Butha Buthe stood the first 2 hours with his head out the window captivated by the mountains.

Our trip past the only ski resort in Africa AfriSki which was an incredible oddity for the rural students.

The Night to Remember:

The bus ride took us 7 hours and we arrived at night to our accommodation of empty classrooms.  I spent the night in a room full of male teachers.  They didn’t sleep.  Half of them laid down around 8 pm on mattresses surrounding the outside of the room while the other 15 danced, sang and stomped in the middle of the room until 4 am.  At 5 am everyone awoke to start bathing.  Around 1 am I sat up from my sleeping bag cocoon amazed at the scene and how I had managed to find myself there.  I had never felt so out of place in my life.  The next night I stayed in the town at the Peace Corps VRC wheeew!

The Science Fair:

Through the course of the weekend my job was to take care of my three students, Tsepo, Selepe, and Neo.  Each of which I had helped over the past weeks to edit their reports and finalize their projects. 

Selepe built a microscope with a backlight that was powered from a wall socket.  He didn’t place but his project was great and has natural brilliance.  In an intellectually un-stimulating environment that our village is, Selepe has a drive and a natural ability to work with electronics with limited guidance that amazes me!  His project would have fared much better if submitted in working models instead.

Neo competed in the maths project competition with a project for multiplying tricks for 9’s and 11’s.

Tsepo built a sieve that shook to separate maize meal and won second place in the working models division.  A great achievement for a student from a rural school like Qholaqhoe!  Most of the award winners were from large schools in Maseru and camp towns.

My students demeanors were so different, Neo was along for the ride, Tsepo was enjoying himself and kind of cared about his project, and Selepe was focused, nervous and sizing up the competition while making last second modifications.  I felt like a dad to my kids in a culture where parents pay very little involvement in their students education it was fun to look after them , be proud of them, and keep them in line. 

The transport was awful, the pace was slow and things that should have been planned were not, and bo-ntate drank beer for two days and nights straight and didn’t look after their students.  This is Lesotho. 

At the same time I connected with my students, I met kids from the best schools in the country, and I experienced a science fair Lesotho style.  I marveled at the differences that such an event would be like in the US.

Video of My House

The video here is kind of a walk through of my house and surroundings in Lesotho.  The housing is pretty similar to what most volunteers in the rural areas experience.  While it may seem crazy to live without water and electricity it really isn't that bad and I love where I live!

Big Building Projects!

 Everywhere I go people need help building things.  My school needs a new classroom building, a new water supply, the orphan garden needs a shelter and kitchen, the primary school a new everything!  At the end of April I helped my deputy principle to write a grant to the US Embassy asking for funds to build a new classroom building.  The grant is for R50,000 and the approximate cost of a new two classroom block is around R200,000 so if they will even consider us is up in the air.  My classrooms now are very crowded and my form D math class has 70 students.  Whether I want to put in the effort to raise all this money on my own for a new classroom I am not sure and I am not sure it would make a big impact on the functioning of my school.

Lynn is helping my school to build a new water system for the school because sometimes water runs out during the dry season and the school water use puts a lot of pressure on the surrounding communities water supply.  I am really excited to help because of my background and it is something I actually know something about unlike teaching haha!  The surveyor is looking at possibly connecting a source to the school with an organization close by that does plant preservation for herbal medicine.  Hopefully I will get a chance to talk to him the next time he comes out and help out by writing a project proposal.

The orphan garden is an amazing place.  I visited their last weekend with Liteboho (my closest Basotho friend) and Caitlin.  Liteboho organized some really fun small games for the kids.  One involving strings and stacking cups to try to teach team work and another goofy circle game where one kid went in the circle and said simple English phrases about having a ball, dancing with it, and passing it to another person in the circle.  The kids loved it and it was really fun to see their confidence grow as the game progressed and they went into the circle alone.  The orphan garden is an uplifting place and I feel such a positive energy when I am there and the bo-mme are incredible people.  All the kids old enough to carry a shovel help with planting and preparing new plots.  They are asking me to help them to build a new building to house the orphans when it is cold and a place to cook.  It is possible that I will be able to apply for grants through PEPFAR and hopefully will learn more about this in June at an in service training.  Lynn the picture of the baby cow is for you! 

African Library Project – Makhoakhoa Primary

During my first few months at site I visited the local schools other than mine to introduce myself and get familiar with the area.  The principle at the primary school asked me if I could help them to get a library and I said that is something I might be able to do!  Through the organization African Library Project donors in the states who do a book drive to raise 500-1000 books and $500 for shipping and match them with communities in Africa to build libraries.  In Lesotho their partner organization is Peace Corps and many volunteers work on setting up libraries.  The application for the library is almost finished and I have been visiting the primary school often to get them to write letters asking for the library and saying how they will support it and discussing the project with the lead teachers.  The primary kids are way cuter than the high schoolers!  I asked East Lansing Public Library to help support my project and while they don’t want to do the whole thing they are willing to supply 100 books.  So if you want to help me with my library let me know!

HIV Testing and the Qholaqhoe Mountain AIDS Ribbon

Since being back from break I have been working with the local hospital to organize two events at my school.  The testing event went really well and the painting of the AIDS ribbon is going to happen but being pushed back to next term.

The HIV testing event was coordinated at my school by a group called SolidarMED who do HIV and AIDS testing and counseling.  The organization is Swiss and a Swiss doctor and his family live at Seboche Hospital and run the organization.  A group of three counselors and two nurses came to my school for a week.  Each day they visited one grade, Form A – Monday, Form B – Tuesday, etc.  They spent the whole day giving HIV lifeskills lessons in Sesotho which allowed them to get across to many students that I was not connecting with in my lifeskills lessons because of language.  Then throughout the day the students could go to the library two at a time and get tested.  Many of my students where so scared to get tested but were eager to do it.  Rightfully so they should be scared, a positive test means the stress of knowing the disease is going to kill you, discrimination from your peers, and feeling like your lost.  However, about 180 of my students got tested about one third of the school. 

The students probably learned more in that one day of school than any other day all year.  However, many of the teachers did not welcome the visitors.  They complained it was taking away from class time, though they skip their classes regularly, and was doing nothing for the students but causing stress for the students who tested positive.  It was a good opportunity to talk to them and share perspectives on HIV and thoughts on testing.  Overall the event went really well and I am really excited about the work that the lead counselor Ntate Khotso is doing and working with him more; he is caring, fun and really believes in what he does. 

The second project that I tried to put together this term was to paint the Qholaqhoe Mountain AIDS Ribbon.  It was built in 2001 and is a landmark for the community and everyone knows its history.  Unfortunately time got cramped and I wasn’t able to organize the event details with the hospital fast enough.  The idea is that SolidarMED will do a community testing event on the day of the repainting and I will organize students and community members to take part.  Hopefully students will perform poetry and dramas to begin the event and the painting of the rock will commence during the open testing event.  The hospital is willing to fund purchasing the paint.  The ribbon is huge!  About 20m in diameter and sits about an hour hike up the mountain.  It fell through for now but will hopefully happen in the spring once it starts getting warmer and the days longer.

Work Out Club!!!

Since being back from vacation I started a work out club at my school.  We meet on Mondays and Wednesdays after school for about an hour after school.  Our normal routine is to do an activity called card work out.  I use a deck of cards and each suit is assigned a different exercise for example hearts is push ups, diamonds is burpies or down ups (we call it push up jumps the translation is easier!), spades is sit ups, etc.  It keeps everyone involved when a lot of guys are there and we don’t have much equipment.  I also bring a jump rope and a resistance band.  The resistance band is a favorite by the guys they make up all kinds of crazy exercises with multiple guys pulling on it at the same time.  We also do other activities like competitions of pushups, wall sits, or calisthenics running back and forth across the hall.  Usually at the end I have either a football or a Frisbee and we go outside and practice throwing.  I also got a volleyball sent by my parents which has been a huge hit!

It has been a really enjoyable part of the week and the older students love it.  It gives them a chance to do something besides sit in the same seat and copy notes.  They need some other kind of activity in their day.  It has been more difficult to keep up as the semester has gotten near the end and things have gotten busy and the days are short and the students don’t have much time to get home before dark.  The space that we use for the club is the newly built hall which rarely gets used for any other activity even though we have 70 student classes and the space would be well served as a classroom or two.  It has been really fun and I need some new exercise activities to keep them engaged so if you have ideas let me know but hopefully I can keep it going next term!

Back from Vacation!

It has been some time since I posted on my blog!  I have been having technical difficulties, my computer and Africa are having a difficult time! 

Vacation

Over Easter holiday me and 12 other volunteers traveled first to a backpacker on the coast of the Indian Ocean and then up to the Durban, South Africa.  It was an awesome time filled with 1^st world luxuries like restaurants, showers, and bbq’s.  The first hostel we stayed at called the Mantis and Moon had an awesome vibe with boardwalk paths through a jungle environment with a lit up pool and treehouses.  I tried out surfing by just renting out a board from the hostel.  It was not much of a success, mostly spending 2 hours getting smashed by waves!  It was wonderful to hang out with my friends for 5 days and escape the loneliness of many weeks at site.  Durban has all the makings of a big city.  We spent most of the time on the beach with its huge boardwalk.  Caitlin, myself, and our newly found friend from the Netherlands Tomas went to UShaka marine world aquarium and water park which was a solid time! 

It was nice to finally get out of Lesotho and see South Africa.  My house in Lesotho is not far from the boarder and the majority of our taxi ride to Durban.  However, the landscape is so different than in Lesotho.  The spaces are wide open and it is not a never ending village as the low lands of Lesotho seems.   There is development and rest stops that are the same as a US interstate.  However there is always the reminder that poverty surrounds you whether it be street children as you leave the bar, the suburbs with every theft deterrent possible, or dilapidated metal shack settlements where poverty from the distance appears far worse than my rural Lesotho village.

Back to Teaching

Returning to school has been a challenge getting back into the swing of things.  A teacher at my school is out for maternity leave for an unknown length of time and I am covering her three math classes in her absence.  So coming back from break had all the anxiety of the first day of school because 3 out of my 4 classes were new.  It took me out of the flow and I have had to readjust.  However, it has allowed me to interact with a lot of students that I previously only saw infrequently for life skills lessons. 

Education in Lesotho is centered on end of the year exams, everything depends on it.  Students take external exams, meaning nationally or internationally standardized, at the end of form c (10^th grade) and form e (12^th grade).  Everything is built up for these two tests and they mean everything.  Unlike at home students often don’t pass to the next grade.  A student who makes it straight through high school without repeating or taking a year or multiple off because finances, babies, or home challenges is extremely rare.  Some of my students in my 11^th grade class are 23 years old, older than me.  Additionally passing a grade only depends on passing English and a set number of other subjects.  This means that a student never has to pass math and can still graduate, and this often happens.  A major struggle I have is teaching students who are way behind grade level and it often seems hopeless to catch them up.

Everyday teaching is filled with highs and lows, frustrations and smiles.  I am focusing on staying positive and doing the best I can and trying to build friendships.

Other Projects to Stay Busy

Beyond teaching I have taken on 3 small secondary projects since being back from vacation.  The first is a workout/training club at school.  A couple of guys asked me if I would help them exercise so on Monday, Wednesday, and occasionally Friday we turn the school hall into a makeshift gym.  It has taken off from the two guys we started with and this week there were 20 students jumping around completing push ups, burpies, and sit ups to the sounds of a Lupe Fiasco album.  It is quite a sight!  I will try to take pictures next time and post.  I have also tried to start teaching them the ways of American football and ultimate frisbee also a hilarious sight!

My lifeskills classes have been cut while I cover for teaching math but I am working on organizing an HIV testing event at my school all of next week and a community event on May 12^th.  The community event hopefully will be a combination of performances from students doing HIV/AIDS related poetry and dramas, a community testing event put on by the hospital, and the painting of a large concrete AIDS ribbon on the top of Qholaqhoe Mountain.  Hopefully the hospital will sponsor paint for the event and we will repaint the ribbon that is hardly visible now and was originally created in 2000.  A lot is still up in the air with coordinating with the hospital so it is still a work in progress.

My third out of school project right now is to apply for a library through African Library Project for one of the primary schools in my village.  The principle is really excited about the project and we are starting to work on the application.  The African Library Project organizes donors in the states to organize book drives and financial donations to ship books to start libraries in Africa.  More info as the project progresses!

I had pictures to upload but between my computer crashing, a computer virus, and the slow connection at the internet cafe no luck so next time!

Bopang Lerato ECCD Center

The Bopang Lerato ECCD is my village pre-school located about a 5 minute walk from my house.  The center is run by two bo-mme, Mme Malenyora and Mme Mantoleng, and currently attended by 58 preschool children.  The school is very bare and they lack many supplies.  The school building was built by a Peace Corps volunteer who served at Qholaqhoe High School in the 90’s.  Mme Malenyora was really excited to have me visit and I spent time playing with the students and watched them perform their songs.  Every time they stand from their chairs they recite “I am STANDING UP!”.  With the assistance of some of the parents they have started to design some play structures and really want help to build more.  It is really exciting to see that they have already had that initiative and I am excited for the possibility of helping.  Additionally, their inside space is really bare and could use visuals on the walls.  With the help of my students we hopefully will be able to paint drawings and teaching aids on the walls to make the environment better through a drawing contest or something next year. 

Sights on a Run through Qholaqhoe

       

Running here is a very different experience then at home.  You can’t just put your ipod in and cruise.  Everyone wants to say hello and stop you for a greeting.  My normal route takes me out of my village and onto the main road which runs adjacent to the mountain and has amazing scenery.  The following pictures are some sights when I took my camera on a run.

 Form B student named T'sepo hauling water

Form D student Ntona, head Prefect at school.

Basotho transport!

 Herd boy with his cows

 Following the taxi

 Superman!  Neighbor boy who is always hanging around with me

 Qholaqhoe Mountain

Return at sunset

Likoting Orphan Garden

Located a village to the north of where I live is an orphan garden project that is run by woman in the village there.  The project is supported by Lynn a Peace Corps volunteer here from 2007 to 2009 who stays in touch with the community here and provides the orphan garden with financial support.  Her along with her sister inlaw Pic have been visiting for the last 2 weeks.  They brought me a care package of oreos and snacks which was amazing. 

The orphan garden is operational on Saturday when many orphans and double orphans from surrounding villages come to the garden to eat a meal and play together.  I visited the garden for the first time on Saturday.  It is an inspirational place to see the care that these few Bo-Me are able to provide to the children.  Everyone pitches in to tend to the garden and help out. 

My best Basotho friend named Liteboho pronounced (DE-TE-BOO-HO) has the idea of starting a group to go to the orphanage and organize activities to teach the orphans about life skills and play games and dramas with them.  I think this is awesome and we are trying to organize some youth and school kids to be involved.

On left Liteboho and center Mme Lynn

Orphans lining up for Saturday meal.

A Normal Day

So what is a normal day like teaching math and life skills in rural Lesotho? 

Pretty much no day is ever the same!  Everything is always getting interrupted, changed, or postponed I have learned to go with the flow. 

My mornings I wake up around 6 and have breakfast, coffee and oatmeal or cereal with long shelf life milk.  I listen to music or BBC broadcast and check sports scores on my phone.  I wash up a little bit before school but I don’t fully bathe that often usually once a week.  It takes me about 15 minutes to walk to school   from my roundavel

Assembly at School

School lasts from 7 am to 4 pm with an hour lunch from 1 pm to 2 pm.  The students have study the first and last period (each period is 40 min) of the day.  The class schedule is a big convoluted matrix and the schedule of classes is different every day.  Students sit in the same class all day and the teachers rotate.  I teach usually about 5 periods a day but some days are really busy (Thursday) and others slow (Monday).  When I am not in class I sit in the staff room and plan my lessons for the next day or mark student’s assignments.  You have to mark fast because you have to return students notebooks with assignments from the previous night to them before class that day. 

Lunch is provided to students at school.  It consists of a Basotho staple papa (maize meal) with either beans, peas, or cooked cabbage depending on the day.  I eat lunch at school, it is not bad.  Lunch is also the time clubs meet.  I have been helping with English Club doing poetry and debate. 

 Life Skills Class - Who is your role model?

Form B3 Math Class

Entrance to staff building with other teachers.

School Grounds

Form D math students at afternoon assembly

After school I usually stay around school until about 5 pm either helping students with math, finishing planning lessons, or chatting with teachers.  I have started to do math study hall and once a week we have movie club and watch a tv show (Glee and Chuck) on my laptop with older students.

When I get home I am greeted by this crazy child named Sortle or better known as Superman.  He comes flying from his house and runs up to me wanting me to swing him around.  My evenings are pretty relaxed I watch tv shows, read, and make dinner.  I often will go for an evening run which is especially wonderful around sunset.  My dinner staples are soup, rice or noodles with vegetables and cheese or sauce, and omelets.   I usually fall asleep reading sometime before 10 pm and then wake up and do it again!  

Students Stories about HIV

This week in my life skills class I asked my students to respond to the question: How has HIV been a part of your life and/or changed your community?
The following are three of the more heart wrenching responses. This first poem is from a smart hard working student in my B3 class. The class is all students who have failed last year and it is really difficult to motivate them but this student is a bright spot.

HIV as a part of my life
It changed me, and
Turn me like a Skeleton,
I’m now looking older than
My age, all trousers and
Shirts I have are now
Not fitting me, I’m no
Longer good at all.


This virus seems like it’s
Sucking all my blood,
I can now compare myself
With a thin
Small finger.
It totally changed me and
This virus it’s sucking
Me.


Oh! Yea I have changed
The color and now I
Look black like grandfathers.
All I know is that it
Changed me so much.


All about me is that I’m HIV
Positive, and I seemed like a mad
Person, who needs help and care!

I shivered when I finished reading this poem. Not only this student but the boy who sits next to him also wrote me a story saying he was HIV positive. Both are the two brightest in my math class and took me very much by surprise.

Story #2:

When I was young
HIV became a part
Of my life, because
I was listening to the
People who are saying
Sex is nature.


I didn’t listen to my
Parents when they told
Me don’t do sex before
Marriage, and use condoms
When you do sex.


I think my parents don’t
Want me when I hear this
Nice sex


Today I am HIV positive
Because of refusing to listen
To my parents


Oh HIV go away
We don’t want you
You are a killer, how many
Peoples you have kill?
You are our enemies go away
We don’t want you.
Go away HIV go away HIV go HIV.

Story #3:

Four years ago my uncle was HIV positive he go to the testing council at Newstart, Botha-Bothe where he got that information that he is HIV positive. The members of Newstart told him to go and take ARVs but he refused. By that time my parents were working outside the country at Kimberly. So I advise him to go and fetch those tablets and he told me that those people are lying because he didn’t have unprotected sex with someone in the world. One day he became sick and I was supposed to give him help because I was only one staying with him. I tried to help him by all means, when I decided to touch him with plastic gloves when he was bleeding but he told me that I hate him and I just touch him by hands and his HIV affect me also.

Wow, Nthabiseng I am really sorry about your uncle. I want to know more.
Is your uncle still alive?
Who do you stay with now?
Tell me more about what you mean in the last sentence, are you positive?

No, now he is not alive he died last year at December by that time he was terribly infected by that virus, he was suffering from several things such as diarrhea, TB, and he was spitting blood coughing. My father died during the middle of the year of 2008 and I have just left with my mother and she is still working. I am just staying alone at my place now because even my grandparents are also died during the Lifaqane Wars. Yes I am also positive because by that time no one was taking care whether I can be prevented to that disease or not I was not going even at testing council, but when I tell my mother about this she take me to the clinic and I test and they said I am HIV POSITIVE and my mother was ashamed of me but there was nothing to do by that time, so I take the tablets from the clinic every month to treat this because it has no cure and it is dangerous. I was thinking that I am going to die but I realized that I can’t die because of that. I try to avoid it by all means and I don’t want to pass it to others. I don’t want even to be married because I will pass it to my husband and I don’t want to have babies because they are going to be born with it and die young.


These stories from my students has somewhat changed my perspective of my service. No matter how frustrated I get trying to get students to correctly add fractions I can only sympathize with the difficulty of their situation and can only view from the surface what it is truly like.